From "The Game Rules for Life" by Doug Kelley

"If you always do what you've always done,

you'll always get what you've always got."

—Author Unknown

In his booklet, You ², Price Pritchett, Ph.D.,* tells a story of a housefly buzzing frantically in front of a big glass window. It is desperately trying to get outside, but can’t. Again and again it flies into the window with no success. And yet, all it simply has to do, is turn 180 degrees and fly through an open screen door, which it likely came through, and where it would have the freedom it so desires. But how many dead flies have we seen on a window sill? The fly literally dies because it cannot change its "thinking" or approach.

How many times have we personally been in a similar situation? Do we literally beat ourselves to death trying to solve problems or attain goals and dreams, only to find an invisible barrier blocking our way? AA/Al-Anon has an interesting definition for insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome."

Sometimes, we don't see the folly of this until late in life, or much worse, never. The chapter quote puts it quite well. Isn't doing the same thing over and over again exactly what the fly did? And where did it get the fly? Dead.

How long will we keep doing things the same old way before we try a different direction? Sometimes, the solution to our problem is exactly 180 degrees opposite of where we think it is. We need to apply what I call, "The 180 Principle," meaning, a complete turn-around.

"Thinking Contrarian"

One definition of the word "contrary" is, "opposite in direction." Regarding the fly, turning 180 degrees and going the opposite direction appeared to be a paradox and instinctively, the wrong way to go. Maybe we have felt the same way when it comes to solving our problems. We may feel that "you just can't get there from here." Our problems may appear unsolvable on the surface, and we may instinctively feel a certain direction is the wrong way to go. But that may be where the solution lies. The real barrier to our thinking may be our thinking. We simply may not be ready to accept the potential consequences of solving a particular problem.

Sometimes our problems are like a hot air balloon. They start out flabby, without any form, and then slowly take on a bigger size and shape, until they are fully inflated to colossal magnitude; and then they begin to rise higher and higher in the air for the whole world to see. But in all reality, they just might be full of hot air. We must scrutinize our problems, one by one, to find out if they are huge simply because we made them huge or not.

We must put our problems into perspective. Will the earth stop turning and the world end tomorrow because of our problems—real or imagined? Most definitely not! Remember, our problems don't have any life of their own, they only have the life—or hot air—we give to them. This "hot air" usually consists of nothing more than emotional energy, emanating from our fears and lack of clear thinking.

Since we are so much more than a mere housefly, we can use our powers of reason and freethinking to formulate solutions to the tricky problems we face. Our problems would not be problems if there were not consequences, but along with any consequences come benefits.

Incidentally, motivational speaker Ed Foreman said that if our problems can be solved with money, then they are not "problems"—they are "expenses." What a great attitude and approach! This view may help us to keep financial problems in perspective.

Admittedly, going a different direction can be scary at first, because going a different direction is like sailing in the fog. We know the heading, but not what is directly in front of us. Going a different direction will no doubt be more uncomfortable than we have been used to up until now.

By "Thinking Contrarian," we begin looking for solutions in places that we thought were not possible. It gets us "thinking outside the box" as it were. Mind teasers are a good example of what can stimulate our analytical thinking. One of my favorites is this one:

A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives, the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son!" How can this be?

At first glance, it may seem like there is no plausible explanation. But there is—the surgeon was his mother. Mental exercises give us an idea of what "Thinking Contrarian" is all about.

So many of us appear to be on "auto pilot" as we trek through life. We never seem to question anything. When we run into problems, we usually just accept the generic answers without exploring the matter further, and then ultimately give in to the circumstances those generic answers force us to accept. We don't have to settle for this! In "Thinking Contrarian," we must examine all possibilities. What would happen if we did the exact opposite of what we think we should do? What would be the advantages? the disadvantages? What would be the consequences? the benefits? Sometimes we must do "a complete 180" to really get where we want to go. And if we do get where we want to go, we find more meaning in our life, not to mention solving our problems.

Creative thinking with a mentor or trusted friend can help us identify solutions that may not have occurred to us before. Writing down the pros and cons for different scenarios will help us to stretch our mental muscles and come up with potential solutions. But as with everything else in life, there will be consequences and benefits.

The following is a personal experience that illustrates taking a Contrarian approach with resulting consequences and benefits: 

For nearly two decades, I was married to a woman who developed a chemical dependence—alcoholism. Throughout a period of over five years, I did all I could to help her overcome it. My biggest challenge was not recognizing the illness for what it was, and unwittingly enabling her to continue, due to my codependence.

As time went on, life became virtually unbearable for my son and I, as well as for her. I toiled in a state of limbo, not knowing what to do, or how to do it. When I realized that the pain was killing us all, I had some decisions to make.

Initially, it appeared that there were no solutions to my dilemma, because of strong religious beliefs that forbade divorcing a spouse. The penalty for divorcing and remarrying without "cause," that is, the adultery of the other spouse, was excommunication. And worse yet was the fact that my entire extended family would be required by the church to shun me until I "repented" and qualified for reinstatement back into the fold.

As the difficulties escalated, I decided that the consequences no longer mattered. If any of us were going to get relief from the problem, I had to take control and "pull a complete 180" from everything that I had ever been taught or believed in.

Once I accepted the "solution," I felt an incredible peace come over me and did what I had to do, regardless of the consequences. And there were consequences. Most of my family—aunts, uncles, cousins and brother—will no longer speak to me. But the beautiful thing about it was that there were also benefits—great benefits. My previous wife has been able to face her demons and has since remarried a good man who is able to help her further. As for me, I am now married to one of the finest human beings ever to grace this planet, not to mention my best friend. Total peace now reigns in my son's life, and my life—something that I had never known before. With this peace, came many other desirable qualities that have made it possible for me to pursue my ultimate life dream.

Similar to my experience, many times people will take the Contrarian approach naturally, once they can't take the pain of their present course any longer. It simply consumes too much emotional energy to keep up the battle indefinitely. Sooner or later, they change it, as I did.

If we are facing a similar situation that calls for a complete life change, why wait? Sometimes we wait until our pain almost kills us—like a fly dying on a window sill—before we move in an opposite direction. Only when our problem causes us to conclude that the perceived pain associated with the change can't be any worse than the pain we currently face, will we change.

As with most else in life, we have a choice. The following is a crucial Game Rule of Life that we should never forget:

We can take care of the problem now, or suffer longer and still take care of the problem later.  

Either way, eventually we will take care of the problem (or die from the pain), but we can save ourselves a lot of needless grief by acting swiftly and decisively.

This fear of change can also be applied to attaining our purpose and meaning in life. In another area of my life, there were walls blocking me from my life's ambition—professional speaking and writing. I had to destroy the walls, which only existed in my mind—not in reality. I finally came to realize that there was nothing that could keep me from it. 

Creative Problem-Solving

When tackling a specific problem, we must understand that a solution exists, we just need to find it; and we need to work through our problems until we find it—and never give up! Sometimes we must get past our own thinking in order to find the solution. Here are several steps based on the foregoing discussion to get us thinking "outside the box" and come up with solutions that we may not have considered: 

1.  Bring Your Problem Into Perspective. First of all, define the problem in an emotionally-detached way; just list the facts and the different aspects of the problem. If we allow our emotions to run amok, we needlessly inflate our problem to a bigger size than it really is. When we define, dissect, and get the problem "out on the table," so to speak, we may very well find it was not such a huge problem after all. By bringing our problems into perspective, we begin to take control and release any hot air they might contain. 

2. Target the Solution. As we define the problem, ask:  

What would have to change about this

problem in order to eliminate it? 

Identify any short and long-term solutions. Simply, by working through these two beginning steps, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that relatively simple solutions begin to materialize. If none do present themselves, then we are simply missing vital information that is required to move forward. We must search for other possible solutions. 

3.  Brainstorm With a Confidant to Search and Explore Other Possible Solutions. This should yield new twists and alternatives that were not previously apparent. Keep going with this step until you are satisfied in your "gut" that you have identified all possibilities—and then keep going for a while longer to see if a solution arises that you hadn't considered. Sometimes possibilities will occur to you at the strangest times, like in a dream for example. The objective here is to discover the most logical and plausible solution, and remember, a solution always exists, you just have to find it. 

4.  Examine the Consequences and Benefits of Each Alternative Solution. On a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of the page, and on one side write, "Consequences," on the other side write, "Benefits." Identify and write down the potential consequences and benefits of each alternative. Work through each consequence and benefit out loud with yourself, a mentor, or trusted friend, and on paper so you have a good comprehension of the problem.  

5.  Rule Out Any Alternative Solutions That Have Unacceptable Consequences. But be careful! This is where we usually "trip up" in trying to solve our problems. We may "think" the alternative solution is unacceptable, but it may be the only possible way out of the problem. 

By repeating the steps above, we can gradually work through our problems and find viable solutions. But the interesting thing about problems, is that two are rarely alike. Some are rather easy to solve, while others are very serious in nature, and the solution may take a significant amount of time to appear.  

Use the 180 Principle to "Paradox It!"

When we come face to face with a serious life-crisis, as I did in my personal experience noted above, we must get dead-serious about discovering a solution. Here is the two-step system that I used to solve my own life-dilemma:  

1.  Identify the Solution That You Are Being Pulled Toward, or Are Currently Engaged in Because of Your Own Thinking and Belief System, or the Thinking and Belief Systems of Others. You obviously consider this alternative unacceptable, otherwise you would move forward and you wouldn't have a problem. Examine and list all the reasons why you have been going along with this alternative so far, and why it is unacceptable to continue.

With this list of reasons, work through each one to determine if it is legitimate or just a bag full of hot air. Are the reasons for not accepting this solution valid? Do these reasons stand up in the light of clear thinking? If all of the sudden your reasons for being unhappy with this solution break down, then quit fighting it. Don't fight against it for no good reason, such as ego or pride. On the other hand, if your reasons for not accepting it as a solution do stand up to thoughtful reason, then you must continue to come up with alternatives.

For example, in my own situation, I was pulled toward staying in a negative relationship at a time when all hope for peace and happiness had vanished, because of my own belief system and thinking, not to mention that of everyone I knew. I was expected to remain in the relationship at all costs, even at the risk of damage to my son. I deemed this alternative, which I had been living with, to be unacceptable. I had to come up with a new solution, and this I did by exploring every conceivable alternative.

2.  Paradox It! Identify the alternative that is exactly 180 degrees opposite from the solution you are drawn to, but are unhappy with. This is the seeming paradox that you have been unwilling or unable to confront and consider up until now. Don't be concerned about consequences or benefits at this stage—there will always be consequences and benefits—just identify the alternative. Remember to leave your emotions out of it. Just see if it will work.

Identify what is holding you back from taking this paradoxical alternative. Ask yourself these questions:  

o  How bad can it be? Will life end tomorrow if I accept this solution?

o  Will this solution cause unacceptable hurt to myself or others?

o  Can I live with the pain of change easier than the current pain?

o  Can I live with the consequences of this solution?

o  What are my biggest fears associated with moving forward with this solution?

o  What benefits will come from going ahead with the solution? 

Don't allow fear to prevent you from seriously considering this alternative. Weigh the long-term benefits against the short-term pain. And, yes it will cause a certain amount of pain to change, but the old physical-training adage may come into play here: "no pain, no gain."

Now, focus on the benefits of implementing this solution. There must be extreme benefits to this solution, or it may not pay to proceed with it. Keep pondering and going over different variations on alternatives to come up with a solution that works for you.

Again, in my own situation, I finally knew exactly what I had to do, and it was completely opposite of everything I believed, but it was the only way out of the problem.

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As you encounter problems in life or business that demand creative solutions, try taking a Contrarian approach. Try looking at the problem from every conceivable vantage point. Garner the help of a trusted friend, and write down the benefits as well as the consequences to every scenario, whether logical or illogical. Take responsibility for finding solutions to your problems in life. In doing this, you can profit from utilizing the 180 Principle and taking a Contrarian approach.  

Unlike the fly, don't be afraid to look for the open door behind you.

* "You Squared", Pritchett Rummler-Brache, Dallas, TX