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Commentaries
by Doug
Kelley, CH, CSL
When Your
Dream is a
Million-Miles Away
"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who
got where he is had to begin where he was."
--Richard L. Evans
Many
years ago, I was inflicted with a disease, but fortunately, I
have begun to bring it under control. The disease is "wanting too much, too
soon." It has brought me hardship and discouragement at times; but it is
also responsible for helping me accomplish more than I would have otherwise. I
have learned to bring this mindset more into perspective in recent years.
I have begun to realize the
value of little steps taken toward my goal. Many times, I have felt like I was
getting nowhere fast. But in reality, I needed the time to formulate and put
together my thoughts and plans.
It can be quite frustrating
to feel like you are getting nowhere in the attainment of your dream. Sometimes
you feel you are so close, but then along comes a setback. It is important to
look at the situation without all the emotion attached. As long as you are
working toward your dream, you are making progress, albeit unseen. After some
time passes, you should be able to see that this time was necessary to allow
your thoughts to crystallize and filter to the top.
For example, when I had
decided to pursue my dream of helping others overcome self-limiting mindsets by
speaking and writing, I started to kick myself after a few months, because it
seemed like I was not making the effort to make it happen. I really wanted to
make things happen, but I just didn't seem to have the emotional energy, due to
some difficult life circumstances. But I did work toward my goal in many ways
that prepared me to take bigger steps when I was ready. Now, more than a year
has passed and as I look back, I can see that the time I thought I was wasting
was quite necessary to my overall success.
As you work toward your
dream, don't let life discourage you too much. Even thinking about your dream is
actually a step in the right direction, since all actions are a result of
thought. Then after some time has passed and you are truly ready, substantial
things will happen that will take you closer to realizing your dream. Someone
once said, "Just remember that what you are going to be tomorrow you are
becoming today." Use today wisely so that tomorrow you will have and be
what you desire.
Also, James Allen said,
"The greatest achievements were at first, and for a time, dreams. The oak
sleeps in the acorn." Your grand oak tree may still be asleep, but it is
still an oak tree! It will grow! And one day, it will stand long and strong!
Be encouraged! Work toward
your dream always, and be patient! One day, it will be yours!
"The future belongs to
those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" (Eleanor Roosevelt).
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Change
Your World
If there are things you don't like in the world you
grew up in, make your own life different.
-- R. David Thomas (Founder of Wendy's
International, Inc.)
Most
of us carry baggage from our childhood—some light, others
heavy. Those who suffered much during childhood run the risk of continued
suffering throughout adulthood, if the lessons of childhood suffering are not
learned.
The beautiful thing about
adulthood is that we now have full control over our lives. But more than that,
we must take full control over our lives. This implies action on our
part. What a tragedy it is when we as adults continue to cheat ourselves with
self-limiting mindsets.
We as adults must take
control, muster the courage and grow within. We must continually feed our minds
on things of higher value, such as personal growth topics. Then we must always
analyze how new perspectives come to bear on our lives. When we take personal
responsibility for where we are at in life, we begin to change for the better;
we start to learn the lessons of our adversity, and once learned, our lives
improve.
Don't allow life to
discourage you too much. You may not like the world you grew up in, but that's
okay because it's now the past. Now it is time to look to the future by taking
responsibility for where you are. When you take responsibility, you begin
changing your life. When you change your life, you change your world. When you
change your world, you are in control, and you alone decide how happy you will
be. So go ahead; change your world.
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Playing
the Game of Life with Honor
For when the One Great Scorer comes
To write against your name,
He marks-not that you won or lost-
But how you played the game.
--Grantland Rice
What
matters most in our life is not the mistakes we make, but how
we live our life overall. People will always make mistakes, but what counts is
that we not practice error. It is good and noble to live life in such a way that
we do not cause others conflict. After all, what right do we have to cause
others pain? Life is hard enough. We need to ask ourselves, "Do I make life
easier or more difficult for others in general? Am I predominantly a taker, or a
giver?" If all we ever do is "take from the woodpile," we
eventually deplete it. We lose friends, mates, relationships, and then blame
others for "abandoning" us.
Our character truly plays
the biggest role in whether we find meaning or futility in our lives. What
matters most in the end is the contribution we have made to the world by playing
the game of life honorably.
(This Maxim&Moral is taken from "The Game Rules for Life" by Doug Kelley).
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Beyond
the Mask
"Wise men read very sharply all of your
private history in your look and gait and behavior."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have
you ever studied people's faces? I long ago noticed that a person's inner
pain, life-struggles, and attitudes are reflected in their countenance. Try as
we may to mask it, eventually, the truth is told. Adversity can manifest itself
physically in a number of different ways: worry lines engraved on a forehead;
puffy eyes and cheeks from alcoholism; a look of despair from a hole in the
spirit; or angry eyes from past injustices and bitterness.
Another way inner adversity
is manifested is in the gait, or walk, and by extension, the physical stature of
a person. One fine young man I know walks-quite unknowingly-almost hunched over.
He has faced far too much pain for his young years due to an alcoholic mother,
and the resulting divorce of his parents. It's almost as if he is carrying the
suffering of the world on his shoulders, and it breaks my heart, even more so
because he is my son.
Behavior also reflects a
person's inner struggles. Some people have endured terrible abuse as children,
including sexual abuse. In some cases, they grow up, and not having dealt with
the abuse in a healthy manner, take out their pain on others. One woman I used
to know and work with did exactly this. She couldn't get along with anyone
because of her own inner torment and unresolved control issues. She had not yet
discovered that as an adult, she now had a choice-to seek help and mend her
broken spirit.
While it is certainly not
easy to cope with difficult people, look further; take pause and look deeper;
look beyond their words, and really listen to what their humanness is saying.
Then you might just discover that their behavior is a desperate cry for help. Do
what you can to answer their cry. A kindly ear to their pain may just be the
beginning of a rich, vibrant, and fulfilling life for them. As a result of your
compassion, they just might feel inclined to look within themselves and come to
terms with their pain; their grief; their anguish.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
put it succinctly when he wrote one of the greatest gems of wisdom I have ever
read: "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find
in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."
As you meet people day to
day, study their faces. And clue in to their inner turmoil. Let empathy and
understanding build inside you for another's unique human condition. Then act
with compassion. In doing this, you are performing a great service to humanity,
and giving back to the world. You are Delivering Greatness in your own way.
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Will You
Dare to Believe in
Yourself?
"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved
except by those who dared
believe
that something inside of them was superior to
circumstance."
-Bruce Barton, Congressman & Advertising
Executive
Many
good people suffer terribly at the hand of circumstance. Some
face intense financial problems; some are deeply hurt from the repeated
"bombs" of an abusive or alcoholic mate; some look death square in the
eye because of a life-threatening illness or old age. At one time or another,
everyone faces difficult circumstances, which can drain them of their power. If
these circumstances go on too long, it can drain them dry.
What about you? Is your
power draining from you due to some difficult circumstance? When you are at your
lowest ebb, something (like the quote above) can ignite a spark, be it ever so
small. But at least it's a spark, which can lead to a fire. And when you believe
that all hope is lost, and you haven't the emotional strength to do anything,
let alone carry on, ask yourself, "Dare I Believe?" Well... do you? Do
you dare believe that something inside of you is superior to circumstance?
When your gut is in knots
with agonizing pain, please don't let your circumstances beat you! Recognize
that you, as a human being, are far greater than your circumstances! Dare to
believe that within you resides Greatness just waiting to be released upon the
world!
If, one-by-one, you learn
the lessons of your pain, then step-by-step, you will gain mastery over your
circumstances. Once you do, use those priceless life-lessons learned to help
others in their plight.
Then you will truly do
something splendid; something befitting Greatness. But only if you dare
believe that something inside of you-yes, something beautiful-is superior to
circumstance.
So, will you? Will you dare
to believe in yourself?
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Preserving Your
Dignity
During Adversity
"It is not
the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to
the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and
blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who
knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy
cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and
who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his
place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory
nor defeat."
-
Theodore Roosevelt
Theodore
Roosevelt bestowed great dignity on our human suffering when
he wrote the above words. In the same line of thought, Nelson Aldrich, a
contemporary of Roosevelt who was also a politician in addition to being a
businessman wrote, "They fail, and they alone, who have not striven."
Interestingly, Aldrich
clashed with Roosevelt on a number of political issues, but both men were in
total agreement when it came to success and failure. Adversity cannot be
avoided, and if viewed properly, can mold you into a person who has Greatness to
Deliver.
Allow adversity to make you
better in the end; allow it to teach you empathy for others around you. And as
you face adversity in your life, contemplate Roosevelt's words, and let them
bring you comfort. Stand tall and claim the dignity of a person who learns from
and triumphs over adversity!
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